Sunday, July 25, 2010

finding my words

My mother passed away on July 8th.

Since then, it has been difficult for me to find words for this blog.

There is so much to say. And yet, there are no words.

I am grateful that I was able to be at her bedside during the last few weeks of her life. Words were difficult at that time too.

The words are in my heart, but they have a hard time finding their way out, to be spoken.

While she slept, and sometimes when we talked... I spun some silk on my spindle.

I finished spindling the last of this silk in the evening, a few days after we laid my mother to rest.

These threads have now become very special to me. There are words and tears and prayers and oh, so many emotions that were locked into the draft, the lengths and the wind on.

When I look at it, I don't see wraps per inch, or grist, twists per inch, yards or ounces, or even a future project. When I look at it, my thoughts are simply transported back to a time, a place, a moment, a conversation, a glance and a goodbye.

Many thanks to those who know me personally, and have sent your kind notes of sympathy. I appreciate them very much.

Photobucket

27 comments:

Valerie said...

I've thought about you often lately, noticing the absence of posts.

I'm so sorry for your loss. That silk makes me think of the hymn phrase: "blest be the tie that binds". How lovely that it is a silken thread.

Sending thoughts of comfort....

DebbieB said...

There is nothing like the bond between mother and child. It cannot be broken, not even by death, and yours is no different.

I send you love across the miles.

Janice in GA said...

A couple of years ago, my dad was admitted to the hospital on Monday night. By Saturday morning, he was gone.

It was pretty sudden, but we knew by the middle of the week that he wouldn't make it. So much of my family got to sit with him and be with him during the last few days he was conscious and aware, and then for the last couple of days where he wasn't.

I worked on knitting a shawl all that time. Every time I hold it or wear it, I think of my dad. It's all pretty bittersweet, but still precious

I loved my dad very much.

Much sympathy and hugs to you.

Manise said...

I had noticed your absence, but thought you were madly spinning away for Tour de Fleece. I am so, so sorry for the profound loss you have suffered. I lost my mom 4 years ago and I too cared for her and sat at her bedside in those final weeks, days and moments. They are precious moments indeed. I'm glad you have your silk laden spindle with you to hold. Wishing you peace, love and many hugs Cyndy.

Sue said...

I'm so sorry. Losing my mom was like no other pain I've experienced, and I still find it hard to talk about, even after five years.

Now I'm getting all chokey again. I'll be thinking of you.

elizabeth said...

Oh Cyndy, I'm so so sorry. I've been thinking of you and checking to see if I'd missed a post. Sending healing thoughts and hugs your way.

The Gingerbread House said...

I kept watching for a post,and when there was none I knew you were very busy !...I'm sorry for your loss of your mother..but it was a blessing you had those last moments with her...I lost my mother 40 years ago and I still remember those cherished moments...Ginny

Mette Rørbech said...

Dear Cyndy. Sorry for your loss. Blessings.

Kate/Massachusetts said...

((hugs))

Linda said...

I cannot imagine what you are going through, yet I feel for you. My thoughts are with you. Linda

Tam said...

Hugs to you Cyndy

Sharon said...

I am so sorry to hear you news Cyndy. That silk is such a precious thing to have, and so beautiful. Sending my thoughts your way, take care of yourself.

Lisa at Greenbow said...

I am so sorry to hear this Cyndy. Big ((hugs)).

Cathy said...

(hugs)

Valerie, as always, spoke my thoughts.

Jody said...

So sorry for your loss Cyndy.

Judi said...

I am so sorry for your loss. You express your feelings so eloquently I can almost touch the silk and feel the love. Grieving is hard work, please be nice to yourself.

BlueTulips said...

Cyndy, I'm so sorry for your loss. May your dear Mom rest in peace.

thecrazysheeplady said...

{{{hug}}}

Phiala said...

I'm very sorry to hear that.

My father-in-law died on the 18th, and I returned early from Complex Weavers for the funeral.

Leigh said...

Cyndy, I am so sorry to learn about your mother. Words aren't necessary you know.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry about your mom.
I am the person who bought the roaster picture from you.
My mom past away Feb.27 2010.
Dont know what else to say,But I am thinking of you.

Linda said...

I am so very sorry for your loss. Your mother was a lucky woman to have a loving and caring daughter by her side her last few weeks. Know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Lisa C. said...

My thoughts are with you.

Kristi aka Fiber Fool said...

I am so sorry, Cyndy! My thoughts are with you as well as some virtual hugs. Take care of yourself!

~ Phyllis ~ said...

Cyndy, I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is one of the most difficult things in life.
I lost my Mom almost two years ago.
During the days before her death I spent by her bedside knitting on a shawl. My Father died shortly after that and I knitted on the same shawl by his bedside. I will always cherish that shawl as you will your spun yarn.
Take care.
Hugs,

Phyllis

Leslie Shelor said...

I think you found the words. Your spindled threads have captured some memories to treasure and I'll be thinking about you!

annmarie said...

I was away and so am just reading your post now. I am very sorry to hear of of your loss.

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